Eternal Love
All empty
inside. Nothing there. Heart stabbed.
By what power
have you been killed, what power has taken you from me?
Can one feel
so weak and haunted for something like a woman? I had always asked myself that,
for months.
Dedication to
four things had been my life. Justice, power, the battlefield and you... You
were the most powerful woman I have ever met, proud that I was a soldier,
strong in your own special way and with a great sense of justice. You taught me
the real meaning of it.
Each time I
looked in your eyes I found all there that I needed, if not even more. How
could a young woman be as you were?
For all I
knew, eternity was my and your fate, and I didn’t fear it, while I was close to
you. I gave myself completely into you hands, and we shared everything there
could be shared.
Gomen nasai...
I should excuse, now that I stand on your grave. I understand if you hate me
now.
Here I am,
wondering whether I should not mourn forever about the moments we shared, the
moments I should miss... It’s not fair to you, to get over it after a while. I
am not supposed to ever forget the pain!
Jeopardy, you
said, is life. There are always things to loose. But are there also things for
the dead to loose? What a painful thought. I remembered your words when you
died, they gave me strength. And I remember how painful it was... can I inflict
the same pain upon you?
Killing by my
own hand is one thing, but standing and watching love blow up, is another. I
could not find guilt in myself, I judged the world for it. Now I feel guilty,
just because I changed.
Love was
supposed to last forever, we always talked about that. How could I have
changed?
Meiran, I
still miss you, as much as a husband can...
Nevertheless,
I feel you deserve to be missed more. They told me I’d get over it, but I
didn’t think that one should get over the death of one’s beloved wife, for
nothing!
Only you
should be in my heart. I cannot forgive myself for giving in to that unjust
weakness in myself... what can I do, Meiran? You’ve been gone for too long.
Please, if you
hate me, from wherever you are, try to understand. I need something to live on
for, Meiran... What am I doing?
Questioning my
love to you, that’s what. But oh, Meiran, I still love you, I told you before.
But there’s someone else now who makes me feel weird, beyond my understanding.
See what I
see, help me if you can. If you still love me, try to understand. This person
reminds me so much of you, it’s like there’s is a part of you. Maybe that it
why it happened this way. Can you understand...? Don’t hate me, Meiran!
Treize... why
did I fall for him? His eyes, his strength, the way he seems to take things so
light and easy...like you.
Unbelievable,
I should learn to cope with your death because of someone I should call my
enemy. I do... Meiran.
Vulnerable,
that’s what we all are. I understood this after you died. I am, too... can you
accept my weak points, provoked by love? Can he? Can I? He injured me most
profoundly. I am vulnerable, just like you.
Will I get
anywhere with this stupid love, my Meiran? Was it a mistake to succumb to these
feelings and make room in my heart for Treize, shoveling you aside a bit?
X-ed out... Is
that what you are from my heart, Meiran? Should I put it so harshly? No,
because you aren’t. Is it possible for a man to love two persons?
Zealous lover,
untrue husband, call me what you like, Meiran, I deserve it. But in front of
this grave, that will one day maybe hold our united bodies, I realize, that a
man can love two persons. I love you... and I love Treize. Please understand.